A message to my ex

Hi. I'm glad we finally got to talk for a bit the other day. It was almost like we were friends again for a few minutes there. And, I gotta say, that was nice. Sometimes, I miss those days. It sucked that we had to have the reason we did to have that chat, but it's good to remember we're both still human beings.

That little talk got me thinking again – something I tend to do a lot of these past few years whether I want to or not. See, I've been doing this self-analysis thing (No, it's not Scientologahh or any of that garbage. It's something another friend taught me, and it's helping a lot.). I'm finding more and more things about myself which I never realized were there. For what it's worth I'm discarding as much as I can of the bad things I find (It's one hell of a fight) and I'm putting all the resources of my mind towards those good things I find.

But anyway...

Some of those things I've found, they're sorta hard for me to understand. Memories come flooding in sometimes, and believe it or not, this program I'm working on has me remembering them kinda sorta from your perspective. I know. That sounds “weird” but this is how it works. A big part of this whole thing is to give the mirror a good, long, hard look, and no matter what I see, to keep looking and watching without any interruption or interference or dishonesty of any sort, because that's how it happened while it happened, and denial of the cold, hard, cruel truth is the first step into madness. If my self-flagellation gives you any joy, it burns like nothing I've ever felt before. I can honestly say Dad's death was easier to cope with than this. It's the single-most hardest thing I've ever imagined doing.

Now, I'm not saying I'm the only one who had any faults in our marriage. To say so would be just as dishonest as it would be to deny any responsibility on my part. What I'm trying to come around to is just, I'm sorry. You're a good person, and I hope you know that. You deserve a chance at happiness, just like anyone else on Earth.

It might be hard to believe, but even the stupidest things I ever said or did were based upon good intentions. I meant well. I hope someday that makes sense to you. It probably doesn't right now, and that's okay too, I guess. Because that's just the way it is. Those things done by others to me and us are all on them, and I will never accept responsibility for the actions and words of others, but for my own actions and words, I'm finally coming to grips with them. K?

You may never forgive or forget what's happened over the years. That's cool. Even if I could make you, I really would not want that kind of power over another. For all I know, you might not even accept anything – not even one single word – of what I say here now. You do not have to. I'm not insisting, begging, pleading or even asking for your forgiveness.

What I am doing – in addition to trying to bury the hatchet for their sakes – is trying to be the change I've been hoping to see in my world. For once, I'm finally m.t.f.u. and sending out that which I hope to get back. I'm acknowledging the truth that you're an alright kinda gal. (Some of our friends might be a totally different story altogether haha but you – you're okay.)

I'm really gonna try at this, until my dying day. See, while I've been doing this self-analysis program and cleaning up my mess and strengthening those good things I've found, I noticed something else too. A lot of those good things I found, I got them from you. Many of those things which might someday redeem me as a man were given to me by you, and I just want you to know that.

Peace.

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Top Five things I'm grateful for in my divorce

Divorce is such a difficult situation to find one's self in, many people around the world are even questioning the logic behind marriage itself. Mine was rough, but frankly, I'm one of the lucky ones. Men and women both – all too often – make stupid choices in response to the trauma of a failed marriage, from which they sometimes never recover.

But not me. I'm actually grateful for a few of the lessons learned from the experience. Admittedly, at first, this list might've been things like “I've eaten today,” “The sun is shining,” and stuff like that. But adversity brings growth, and there are some excellent parts of life which I share here today. What are your top five things to be grateful for, in your divorce?

1. The kids are okay. This rightfully deserves a place as my number one thing to be grateful for. In the long run, it's really all that has ever mattered. In fact, not only are they just “okay,” they're better off than when I was a kid. The little ones are also safe, too. With all the wuss, cowardly, chickenshit qualities of my ex's “Elmer,” at least there's no evidence of him being a pedo or anything. If he were, I'd already be prison-bound. But it seems there are no worries there.

Might I also add that, even with my ex's relentless efforts at parental alienation, I'm their father. We're linked genetically, and that, my friend, is something which God® himself could not change, and the single, greatest privilege of my life. She can try lying to herself all she likes, but it's one thing she has no control over.

2. I found real love. In fact, most women are not mysandrists, in spite of the gum-slapping, militant feministas who seem to dominate the airwaves and Internet. Yup, in the old life, both my ex and I felt “stuck” in constant battles, for a variety of reasons. It's not that way for me and my new gal. Out of the billions of people on this planet, I met the right one. I'm so damn lucky.

3. I've grown stronger After I was thrown out of a very unhealthy marriage, I felt devastated. Fellow divorcees know what I mean, too. Never in my wildest dreams, did I ever see myself getting off of my mental knees. But it happened. A 10-horsepower motor, given a 12-horsepower job will burn out. But, give a 10-horsepower person a 12-horsepower job, and they become a 12-horsepower person. A hat-tip to Tony Robbins for that message.

4. I'm free! Gone are the incessant demands of her ignorant, naïve, ridiculous “friends” (the good friends are great) who “thought" their business was everyone's lives but their own. Gone are those vicious, hateful, mean-spirited, authoritarian sister and mother of hers too. (I still miss my ex-brother and father-in-law, though, even if they hate me)

Let me share a little story of how vicious these two are. One day, my oldest daughter spoke her first word: Grandma! As the woman walked into the house, I told her my daughter's first word (Her first granddaughter, mind you) and she growled! Yes! She GROWLED! WhiskeyTango Foxtrot, right? What kind of mean-ass heart does it take to respond with an angry growl, to your first grandchild saying “Grandma” as her very first spoken word? Her sister's just as f'ing mean, too. Don't know what I ever did to her, but she lashes out at anything that's not Disney Prince Perfect about a guy.

And LOL Out-Loud I'm free of that bullshit. Ha!

5. I'm alive. This might not seem like much to the average yay-hoo on the street (then again, it just might for all I know), but for years I felt as if I was on the brink of suicide. I'd lost my marriage, business, job, and children. I found myself tempted to do something irrevocably horrible to my ex's “boyfriend.” (They met while was still married to me and I've since owned up to all the reasons I drove her to him so lay off all you ridiculous armchair therapists.) But, fortunately, I had the presence of mind to physically remove myself from that temptation.

Every single day, for years, I woke up to the first thought in my head being, “I need to die.” I've since come to learn what I was meaning to tell myself was, “I need to improve.” And I have. It is so clear now, just how precious life is, and how scarce time is. No point wasting it looking back on the past. Besides, my suicide is one more thing I get to deny her vicious heart (and those of her mean ass mom and sister) the satisfaction of having. The best revenge is, after all, to live well.

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Please help with Divorcesupport.info

It was a terrible mistake I made, giving such a wide invitation to guest bloggers for the site. You know the story – New blog shows up wanting to index – gets a bunch of guest blogs – everything's covered in spam and what could have been good was ruined.

Not this time. I'm only allowing guest blogs from those capable of sharing a topic, which others might find helpful. Custody issues are big. Dealing with the ex properly is big now, too. Getting along with friends/family of the ex is another tough topic. Anyone wanting that one could link back to anything legal they wish to.

There's no money in this. But you'll be helping a good blog, with page rank ~finally ~ to index. And again, there's those back-links. Just comment on your desire to guest-blog, and I'll get in touch. If you know me, already, pm me on Fb with your name, email address, and which blog you're wanting to guest blog for (only one to start.)

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Keeping us safe

Thanks for the post from Sylvester Campbell

When I set up my business website last year I was careful to keep it as private as possible. Since I work from home, I didn't necessarily want everyone out there to be able to look up my address and phone number based on my site. I opted for private registration like they offer on sites such as http://www.domainnames.com and had my dehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifsigner code some extra privacy settings into the site itself, just to be safe. I still can't decide if I want to offer a login component for my clients. It's going to be a lot of extra work but that way they can easily login and see their personal portfolios at a glance. I'm just a little worried about how much extra work will go into making sure it's all ! secure. I figured I take great care in my home office to shred important documents and encrypt all my sensitive files, so why wouldn't I be just as careful when setting up my online presence? It's scary how much is easily exposed in the online world and I just want to be careful to protect myself and my clients.

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A small investment in medical scrubs will save you loads of laundry-cleaning time and money

In a time where we're all pinching every penny until Lincoln yells, we must all look to save every way we possibly can. Who might've thought a small investment in a set or two of medical scrubs could save a person money as well as time cleaning laundry? Work outfits can be worn more than merely once for those who change into some comfortable pajama-like medical scrubs.

Men, as well as women can enjoy the convenience and versatility of relaxing at home in the evenings by picking up a few sets of uniforms and scrubs at a reasonable price. But do you know what men really enjoy, ladies? They love those little scrub hats.

For those who do happen to work in the medical field, knowing where to buy medical scrubs can save much time and hassle from shopping. Just know the sizes wanted, and keep a sharp eye out for bulk deals or other offers.

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Parental Alienation: Four Facts

Parental alienation is becoming recognized around the US and Canada for the damaging act it is. As more and more couples are divorcing, and co-parenting, this important subject is coming to light. Here are some facts for those wanting to learn more.

Parental Alienation: Four Facts-Number One: Parental alienation is "brainwashing" - According to Fact.on.ca, parental alienation is when one parent (typically the one with primary custody) makes an attempt to sever the bond between children of a divorced couple, and the target parent. Over the years, as the concept of joint custody has become popular, so has the incidence of cases of parental alienation.

Parental Alienation: Four Facts-Number Two: Parental alienation is child abuse. - According to Dr Glenn F. Cartwright, children desire, by nature, to love both parents. The alienating procreator, in their attempts to either "eliminate" the target progenitor, or to recruit the children onto their "side," cause unnecessary pain and confusion to the subject child. Regardless of whether the alienating parent is the mother or father, and regardless of which parent "wins," it's always the child who loses.

Parental Alienation: Four Facts-Number Three: Parental alienation is beginning to be recognized as damaging by the psychiatric community. - At the website Stopparentalalienation.org, new divorcees can learn about the damaging effects of an alienating parent on children from a host of legitimate certified experts on the subject of child psychology. Experts are even beginning to recognize patterns that, many experts believe, may be an expression of a condition now known as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).

PAS is identified by such symptoms as A) an irrational and unjustified hatred of the target parent; B) otherwise normal child behavior until the target parent is mentioned; and C) claims against the target which, are based on memories preceding the birth of the child. When actual abuse or neglect is present in the case history, a determination of PAS is not applied.

Forcing a child to have to choose between the approval of their Mom or Dad, over the other, has such dire consequences for the children later in life that, it deserves to be recognized as a jail-able offense. Any other form of child abuse is treated as such.

Parental Alienation: Four Facts-Number Four: Re-marriage can sometimes trigger parental alienation - Again, according to Fact.on.ca, whenever a parent re-marries, it's sometimes the case that, one parent might try to "make room" for the step-parent by attempting to "turn" the child against the target parent. Competition between the ex-spouse and the new step-parent might also be a cause of the issue. Mothers wishing to "move on" and fathers wanting to get away from the past may also commit acts of alienation. Mostly, these problems seem to center around one basic emotion, and that emotion is fear.

Sources:

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Originally published on the Yahoo Contributor Network January 24th, 2010

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My Valentine's Day Story on the Yahoo! Contributor Network: Meeting Janet

A reader would have to ask Janet about the exact day we found one another, through both of us writing for the Yahoo! Contributor Network. She tells me that, when we first met, I was "critical" of her work. She said I used the words, "I was expecting more from this," in a comment to one of her articles. At the moment, I must have only been considering this to be just another encounter with a fellow writer, only slightly more noobish than me. As is often the case in my life, I was unaware what I was getting myself into, with this amazing woman.

My Valentine's Day Story on the Yahoo! Contributor Network. How did I know it was her? Over the next few months, our mutual comments on one another's works evolved into mutual comments to one another. Those comments naturally grew into discussions in which we didn't "kiss up" to each other, and yet we never fought. (Okay. I did some kissing up. After realizing this woman was just a bit different than so many others, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.)

She was "quick on the draw" with come-backs to my jokes. She added to a few, with her own material, which I suspected was stolen from other, actually funny people. Either that, or this girl ate two midget eggs and a side of clown-meat bacon for breakfast every, single morning. She also understood business concepts, and could talk marketing, and advertising trade. Intelligence being one of the biggest aphrodisiacs for some of us, she quickly had me won over.

My Valentine's Day Story on the Yahoo! Contributor Network. How did I get her attention? I drew her, at every possibility, into random conversations about questions I already knew the answer to. She came to me with questions. At first, I surmised she only returned for my capacity to communicate in terms such as, "yantoo?" and "c'mere." Then, the gradual realization dawned upon me, I was meeting a new, best friend. It was a time for meeting good friends on the Yahoo! Contributor Network, by the way. I've met the entire spectrum of people through writing here. While I'm grateful for all of them, from the bottom of my heart, Janet will obviously always stand out to me. Through the darkest time of my own life the friends I've found here, and especially Janet, were a light that helped me find my way.

My Valentine's Day Story on the Yahoo! Contributor Network. Will it also happen for others? The Yahoo! Contributor Network proved more than just a publishing platform for me. Working here has helped me learn more, do more, and even love again. It's funny to me how something as mundane as online publishing, can lead to two people out of billions, to finding their own Valentine's Day miracle. I can't guarantee everyone will have such a great experience as I did, but it can happen. I know it can, and just when you least expect it.

Of course, the Yahoo! Contributor Network isn't some sort of meat market for single people. But if two people are going to hit it off, I'm honestly not surprised I met that someone, here. Even if love and romance isn't in the cards, so to speak, new writers here will at least find awesome friends, respectable opponents, and wise counsel among other contributors. Thank you to AssociatedContent.com and the Yahoo! Contributor Network. But mostly, thank you Janet, for giving me the time of day.

Source:
Personal experience and good fortune

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